My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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