My liver just broke up with me...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
