i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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