her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
