Cold hands, warm shart.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize