apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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