we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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