He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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