a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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