yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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