Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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