I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
