I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
