9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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