we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
