I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
