life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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