So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
