she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
