I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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