Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
