I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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