well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
