Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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