for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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