you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
