I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
