And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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