I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
