**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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