Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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