singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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