i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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