My balls are so social today.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
