finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
