if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
