remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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