Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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