We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
