There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
