i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
