I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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