I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
