I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
