if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
