i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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