I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
