Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We need to rekindle our bromance
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
