We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
