I look better un-naked...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
