I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
