Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
