I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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