I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
