My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
