guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
