yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
