now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
