guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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