I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
