You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
