Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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