I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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