I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
