Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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