I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize