whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
