he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
