is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
