I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
