you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
