Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
