my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
