Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
