In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
