Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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